Brahma Dung Ananda

Dear Webmistress,

Security Memo to Lila of Rama Ashram Executive Committee: As per your request, this is another confidential report concerning the incident last Tuesday evening.

As you know, the Webmistress decided to throw a "Going Away Party" for Brahma Dung Ananda. The guests started arriving at about 1600 hours (That’s 4 PM).

The first to arrive were several strange people from Venice Beach. Numbnuts and I were in the process of tossing them out when Brahma Dung Ananda intervened and stated that they were his special invited guests. He introduced them as Tank, Weird Willy, Crazy Peg, Fang and Eric the Terrible.

Although I did not really like the looks of them, Brahma Dung Ananda just pulled them into the ashram, where they immediately headed for the snack table and began eating everything in sight. Crazy Peg and Fang even started putting food and eating utensils inside their purse and pockets! I once again started to intervene, but Brahma Dung Ananda assured me that they would quit once their stomachs and pockets were full. In the mean time the caterers ordered a new order of food.

The party really started to get going when the Sin Say and his students showed up about the same time Sharing did. The Sin Say knew the party animals from Venice Beach. He said that they had spent a strange night in the desert consulting the Spirit Guide with Brahma Dung Ananda.

About this time, a huge smelly cattle truck pulled into the parking lot. These two cowboys, who were driving, got out and Sharing ran across the parking lot squealing their names. They were Stoney and Dusty. Seems that they were here to load up the Yugo for transportation to Texas.

The martial arts students surrounded the Yugo and literally picked it up and shoved it into the back of the trailer. Stoney and Dusty managed to keep these two huge bulls herded up toward the front of the trailer. The door was shut and everyone was giving high fives and drinking massive amounts of the Spirit Guide Jack Daniel’s.

As the hours moved on the party grew more raucous…Everyone seemed to be having a great time! The Webmistress particularly seemed to be enjoying the moment. She would sing, "99 bottles of Spirit Guide on the wall, 99 bottles of Guide, take one down, pass it around." (She would grab one and open it and take a swig,) "98 bottles of Spirit Guide on the wall!"

Some martial arts students were thoughtful enough to bring a large "Boom Box Stereo" The music was getting really loud and Sharing who seemed to really get caught up in the moment did a strip tease and then did a Dharmic Dance that brought the entire crowd to a frenzied level of reverie! This frantic partying culminated in someone mentioning something about roasting marshmallows and then set about setting the dumpster on fire. We were all around the flaming dumpster, roasting marshmallows and watching Sharing, Crazy Peg and the Webmistress dance the Dharmic Dance, when the Police, Fire Department and a Swat team showed up ...

The party was over.

It was then that we realized that Brahma Dung Ananda had once again performed his magical disappearing act. Not only did he disappear just as the Fire trucks rolled up, but also the Cattle truck, Stoney, Dusty, His Yugo, the two bulls and all of the unopened Spirit guide… except for 9 bottles (a holy number) left on my bed for me to discover later. These were left, as per his wishes, for comfort and medicinal purposes.

Of all of the magical siddha's that he has performed, this one was the greatest! It was much later, after bail had been arranged and we all returned home that I discovered the 9 bottles of spirit guide. I also received a message from Stoney that they woke up in a rest area outside of Banning and Brahma Dung was in the back passed out. They had no way of remembering how they got there, but both he and Dusty were strangely refreshed and had no sign of a hangover!

Praise be to Brahma Dung Ananda!

I attest that this report is true and accurate.
Stoneface
Chief of Ninja Security