Brahma Dung Ananda

Dear Brahma Dung Ananda, greatest seerer and most holy of all that crawl on this lowly planet, wonder of wonders and blessed sphincter of Eternity!

Hey! It’s me… Starman from Ventura. I’ve been meaning to write you for while, but I’ve been kinda busy with my booth at the Psychic Fair.

Sharing has come by to practice what she calls her missionary position of spreading the gospel of your name and powers. She would have nothing to do with me unless I started putting out copies of your column on my table. Believe me, it has been well worth it!

Last weekend in Encino, a strange man came up to me and handed me a pamphlet that said, "You too can be saved". Hell, I’m used to people trying to get me to read their literature. I just did with it what I do with all that stuff, I trash canned it!

He then read one of your letters, he huffed and stated, "Cleanliness is next to godliness!… And this guy stinks!"

Sharing, who was standing next to the booth at the time, stomped over and said, "Your self-righteousness is as filthy rags to the nostrils of God!"

The man had a shocked look of his face, turned red and walked away!

I just wanted your take on this whole event.

Starman in Ventura

Dear Starman,

My, but it is encouraging to see such progress in you. Sharing has done a great job in training you and molding your life. Just remember, her mission cannot be contained by just one man, she is for all of us!

As for our misguided and self-righteous friend, he is obviously under the heavy cloak of Maya.

I overcame the judgment of stink while traveling to several tropical third world countries on a fertilizer freighter. My beloved Guru had me placed on this ship of enlightenment while I was still under the glorious spell of Samadhi.

Let me tell you, as the tropical rains came and the heat rose, almost everyone on the ship started to enter into alternate realities. I remember one man running up to me as I meditated on a pile of elephant dung shouting, "I can’t stand it! I’m losing my mind!" He danced around a bit and did what looked like a Irish jig and ran away screaming and waving his arms over his head. I settled back into my meditation on the droppings of Ganesha. I settled into bliss once again thankful that my beloved Guru could see that this was indeed a ship of Samadhi!

It was after I disembarked in San Francisco that I discovered that my shit did not stink and neither did my body… in fact nothing stunk!!

Somehow on that ship of eternal aromatic bliss, I had perfected the Siddha of sweetness. The illusion of my stench is only the result of my perfected aura passing through their own imperfections. This causes the purity that is my aura to be transformed into their own imperfect and demented reality. The perfected illumination of Enlightenment is, in fact, being perfectly mirrored back to them as their consciousness!

If they were as pure as I, they would take this Samadhi energy and create heavenly realms of consciousness. Why just this last week, while being confined in a crowded elevator, two women and a man swooned while being forced to deal with my powerful aura. Others were praying out loud saying," Dear God! Jesus! Good Lord!", along with several utterances that were not so holy. So you see, it was their reaction to Enlightenment that was reflected in their lives!

Brahma Dung Ananda has spoken!