Brahma Dung Ananda

Dear Brahma Dun Ananda, Greatest Seerer of All Time and hero to all Spiritual Aspirants. Bearer of Truth and holder of the Eternal Light… I hope I have sucked up enough.

As one of your new devotees, I was wondering if you could enlighten me about the Lila of Rama Ashram and your role in this great Spiritual Center.

Larry in Las Vegas

Dearest Devotee,

I am impressed at your skill at addressing me in such an appropriate manner. It has taken time, but I am encouraged that at least some of you are catching on to the etiquette of addressing such an advanced Avatar and humble Enlightened Being such as myself!

My presence at the Lila of Rama Ashram has been a blessing and Light to the spiritual servants that share this holy place with me. As you may, or may not know, this wonderful ashram and it's enthusiastic spiritual aspirants were without the blessing of their own In-house Guru. Their lives were as sterile tofu before my Eternal Light graced its ivy covered walls. They are truly blessed to have me and they are constantly honoring and expressing their loving gratitude for my continued blessing and grace. Why recently they performed a meaningful ceremony of installing me as the "Official Resident Guru" to this shrine of Light.

It was just this last weekend. I was just returning from spending a few days visiting my old friends at Venice Beach. I’ll tell you, when you hook up with Weird Willie, Fang and Crazy Peg, you know that you are in for a good time!

Anyway, upon returning to the Lila of Rama Ashram, I noticed that my spiritual servants had a new sign designating a space for my Yugo. It was right next to the Dumpster. Above my space was a sign that read, "Reserved Parking for Brahma Dung Ananda - Please do not remove this Yugo with the Garbage!"

But this was just a harbinger of fortuitous events to come. When I entered the gates of the ashram and started for my room, the Webmistress spotted me and shouted, "There he is, grab him !"

I was immediately grabbed by Numbnuts and Stoneface, two of my trusted servants who are also the security ninja’s. They held me by each arm, with my feet barely touching the ground.

"You know what to do boys!", the Webmistress announced.

I was once again taken out to the back of the parking lot. I immediately intuited that this band of devoted servants were about to perform some formal rite that would install me as their resident Guru. As Numbnuts sat on my chest, my beard was neatly trimmed by the Webmistress herself!

"Time for the Purification Rite!", announced the Webmistress.

"Boy these people really do believe in cleanness!" I thought. Why it had only been a month ago that they performed this very same rite of purification on me. Realizing that their hearts were pure and that this strange initiation was indeed part of their strange rituals, I surrendered to their loving ministrations. Soon I was stripped down to my holy naked body and the holy water showered my body temple from the garden hose. It was kinda tough when they showed up with a pail of soapy water and a brush, but since I am only five and a half feet tall and weigh a gnarly one hundred twenty pounds, I have discovered through life that there are some situations where a passive approach is best.

Let me tell you. They really scrubbed and shampooed me thoroughly. When they were finished I raised my arms and ran around the parking lot, in complete naked innocence yelling, "Hari Krishna, Hari Krishna, Rama Rama, Hari Hari!"

Finally the servants caught me and dried me off. The Webmistress herself brushed my shoulder length hair and they then applied several strange spiritual potions to my body, especially my underarms!"

As a gesture of recognizing my high stature as their resident Guru to the Ashram, I was presented with a brand new White Terry cloth Robe and new sandals. They even gave me a wonderful pair of white underwear!

As the purification ceremony concluded, I climbed up on a nearby crate and announced that I now accepted their installation as their In-house Guru and welcomed the burdensome task of being the spiritual head and guiding force in this small but enthusiastic spiritual community.

Peter then said with amazement, "I cant believe this! What? How?…"

I graciously understood his wonderment and awe that I would so humbly accept their gesture.

The Webmistress said quietly, "Good Lord!" I smiled in her direction acknowledging her adulation. I then sat down and meditated for two full minutes!

Upon finishing this rather lengthy meditation, I stood and blessed my faithful servants by making gestures in front of their open mouthed faces. This concluded the formal initiation ceremony installing me as their In-house Guru.

I then thanked them for the wonderful installation ceremony . I then mentioned that the purification ceremony really didn't need to be done so often.

"Oh! It is really no problem! In fact we will probably be doing it on a regular basis!", chimed in the Webmistress who seemed to be recovering from the shock of my powerful meditation.

Peter then handed me a Happy Meal, complete with its own blessed statuary of the "Hamburgler", and I had a grand feast loudly voicing the "Happy Meal Mantra", "Humm" and "Ahhh".

Stone Face and I then retreated to my quarters to consult the Spirit Guide, "Jack Daniel's" as a fitting ending to such a great installation rite.

May the name of Rama and the Lila of Rama Ashram be blessed!

I do miss my earthy aroma though.

Brahma Dung Ananda has spoken!