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Message |
| Posted By: |
Jim |
| Response to: |
Road Trip Mindlessness,
Posted by: Jim |
| Date: |
23-Feb-2005-07:39:02 |
| Subject: |
Survivor - The Lamas |
So having delighted ourselves with our Ask a Farmer episodes (which I haven't relayed in the full glory yet), we found ourselves driving through the central valley with aching ribs. I dropped Tangerine Dream into the music system and we enjoyed that for a time. But in time the outside world managed to provide further amusement.
The central valley, as I commented earlier, is a red sub-state where religous conservatism is the order of the day. Somehow we snagged this religion line and combined it with our earlier "Ask a Farmer" concept and came up with "Ask a Lama". I can't remember just what the original discussion was but I do know that in short order we'd turned our talk radio show into "Survivor - The Lamas".
The idea is that you take 10 spiritual leaders and have them take phone calls on live TV. They then discuss the callers question and one spiritual leader is removed in each episode. Characters could include:
Father O'Flanagen - Representing the Christians. The hands down favorite because most Americans are Christians. However, some would say that the child molesting Catholics should not be allowed to represent Christians. :)
Rabi Jones - Black Rabi's are somewhat....uncommon. And whoever heard of a Rabi named of Jones?
Priestess Paulina - Biologically male transsexual priestess of Gaia. She was admitted to the show after sueing for gender and religious descrimination. Attorney-client priviledge protects the fact that it was the producers who paid for the lawsuit that got the priestess on the show. All the Christians will hate her so she's a big plus for ratings.
Divine Mother - With a name like that (and certain other qualifications) she got the thumbs up in a Hollywood minute.
Other characters who we didn't flesh out very much are: the agnostic, the athiest, the Buddhist, the Taoist, the Hindu and the Muslim. The show lasts for 10 weeks. Only one will remain...
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Caller: "I'd just like to know how God could make something like this tsunami in Asia happen? How could he allow so many innocent people to die?"
Father O'Flanagen: "Oh my child, how can we ever know the will of God."
Divine Mother: "Why do you assume that God is a HE?"
Rabi Jones: "Because the Bible says so, of course."
Priestess Paulina: "Oh, that old book. It was written by men who thought they could outsmart Mother Nature. They were just jealous of Gaia's voluptuous breasts."
Agnostic: "Oh, baby. I could get religion with you." Priestess Paulina smiles and looks away coyly.
Athiest: Elbowing the agnostic and whispering, "That's not a woman".
Agnostic: Looking confused and glancing back and forth between the athiest and the Priestess begins to speak but is interrupted by....
Hindu: "This energy is reminiscent of one of our Goddesses, Kali...."
Athiest: "You mean the Goddess of PMS'ing women?"
Hindu: "Oh, my, that's not a good....."
Divine Mother: Interrupting in a loud commanding voice, "Just like a MAN to insult one of the Goddess's many forms."
Agnostic: Turning to the athiest, "Now you've done it".
Divine Mother: Raising her fist toward the athiest as if to strike, "Of all the vile desecrations of men, turning our menstral cycle, the very thing that gives life, into an object of....."
Taoist: Interrupting, "Please???" There is a brief silence while all eyes turn to the dimunitive little Chinese man. "Please excuse, but, the tsunami." He points to the phone and continues in a rush. "It just flowed like water." Pausing for a moment while everyones face takes on a quisical form. The Taoist then proceeds with more confidence. "It was the tao, the very nature of the wave to flow like water." He finishes smiling.
They understood now. Divine Mothers hand comes down upon his head and is quickly followed by others. Thunk. Thunk, thunk.....the blows continue as the nine gang up on the one and vote him off of episode one.
Announcer: "Oh, did you see that. Let's watch it again on our instant replay. Look at that foot to the groin from Priestess Paulina, I didn't think she had it in her. Let's see it again in slow motion.....There you have it then, the Taoist is out. Normally we'd interview him as he leaves the show but he's currently on the way to the hospital so we'll skip straight to another 5 minutes of commercials for condoms and crappy cars."
To be continued...... |
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