|
Message |
| Posted By: |
mlurtsema |
| Date: |
10-Nov-2003-09:29:22 |
| Subject: |
Outing the Guru |
I have read with some interest the various points of view that the mention of my book Seize the Way produced. Actually, I don't think anyone has read the book--I think the controversy is more that once upon a time I went to the press and "got on the CAN bandwagon" and therefore broke one of Rama's rules--so what the hell am I doing posting on Ramalila?
I have always kept my reasons for going public to myself and I recognize that I have created a lot of enemies for being so bold or confused or whatever. Someone asked for an explanation--so here is the short-form.
Once upon a time I had an enlightened teacher named Rama. I loved him intensely--I still do. He was also the only being I have ever feared in my life. And, I am not talking about normal nervousness, I am talking about the kind of fear that goes straight to the bone and saps you of every bit of your strength.
I was always confused by this fear, because I am a former combat Marine, and I don't recall being that scared in the middle of my worst experiences.
In Rama's on the Road series, he once spoke to us from the Rocky Mountains. During that talk, he mentioned that part of his teaching was to show us how to go beyond our conditioning and to take on the conditioning of our teacher. At some point, he said, we would also have to go beyond the conditioning of our teacher.
Meanwhile, whenever I got near Rama I was in danger of losing my water. I knew that so long as I was afraid of him, I would never have a shot at higher states of mind, let alone enlightenment. So, I strapped on my balls, and declared my enlightened teacher my worthy opponent and my enemy--for better, for worse, even to the pit of hell.
Anyone who spent anytime apprenticing to Rama had to know that things are never as they appear to be. It is all just actors strutting their stuff on the stage, and each of us have a part to play--this was mine.
It is absurd to think that I did this out of some transient anger toward Rama, or for a shot at fame. I went public, because it was the correct thing for me to do, at that point of my life. It was an act of power. I never believed that anyone would even understand--not the public, not Rama's students, not my friends and family.
Surely no one is actually stupid enough to believe that a few minutes of infamy is worth the very real battle that took place. Or that it is pleasant, interesting, or fun to be taken out of context before the whole world, while looking into a camera on live television and saying "Yes I am a cult survivor and I was abused by my charlatan teacher."
Do you know how weird and unintelligible that sounds to Joe Six pack and ALL of the reporters you talk to?
Shit, you only do something like that to destroy the self-importance.
Its like when you do a 10-person full contact kumate. You know its gonna hurt, but fuck it, you just get it done. And let the chips fall where they may.
The fun of it is in the quiet moments--or after being shallacked on CNN world-wide--to drop a card to your teacher and let him know what you have just done.
This was not done out of hatred, spite, or anger. It was done out of fear. I had to face and surmount my fear--that was the path laid out for me, and the path I chose to follow. Guess what, it worked, I am no longer afraid--what the fuck. |
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