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Message |
| Posted By: |
freespirit |
| Response to: |
I Won't Stay in a World Without Love,
Posted by: LightDancer |
| Date: |
9-Jun-2000 |
| Subject: |
to relationship or not to relationship |
Such an interesting thread this one! It provokes thought, over and again...
Just reading this seems to have brought a few things to a head in my mind. There seems to be an attitude here that it comes down to the choice "to relationship or not to relationship" but I don't think it is that simple.
For me there are so many factors, so many questions and so few answers.
On one level I have the child-of-freespirit issue to consider. Very complex.
This week her father started a new relationship. This takes the tally to 6 new girlfriends in 2.5 years from the same circle which he mixes in! They move in to live with him within a few weeks. He soon gets bored, finds a new relationship, then dumps the old one. And there are usually wild storms in the wake! And the sweet little angel witnesses and experiences all this.
So sometimes I feel like the weight of moral example rests on my shoulders. She needs to witness respect and compassion for one's fellow people somewhere, not to mention common sense. I guess I may bring some balance into her life in that. Though I do not deliberately take this on as a task! But then again, I feel I'm sort of the opposite extreme to her father. I set the example of the very, very single person to her. So in that regard I am no better - I am just as out of balance as he is.
A while back I asked here for suggestions for videos to watch with child-of-freespirit, to show her that women can be strong and independent, and do not "need" a man to be whole (since she kept telling me that I 'needed' one so that we could "be a family"!). To my surprise, a couple of the responses actually suggested to me that perhaps I was quietly holding myself back from relationships - that perhaps I should go for it myself.
Truth is I am the happiest I have ever been in my life, now, as a single person. Yet, I don't think this is to do with being single. Sure it has its good points, I am thoroughly my own person, but I think being in the "right" relationship you would have the best of both worlds. I am definitely pro relationships.
So why be single? Bottom line is it has not been deliberate! But there is an up-side to it: on one level this time has allowed me to search my heart and soul for myself. And I have found much. And it is this spiritual growth in my life and the priorities that I have recognised that makes me as happy as I now am. It would have taken a truly remarkable relationship for this to have occured as readily. True love would embrace it and reap the benefits - as has occured with my sweet, darling child - but I guess I am sceptical that such love exists beyond this closest bond that a mother has with her child. Sad really, but it is how I feel.
Truth is I am single 'cause I never have any dates. I have a lot of friends, and lead an active social life, but never have dates. It is quite a mystery to me. I would have thought that being so content, inspired, happy, independent and outgoing would see me all the more appealing to potential partners.
Ironically it seems to be the opposite. Perhaps this air of happiness and independent satisfaction scares them off? I have no idea! All I know is the only offers I get are from good friends to have affairs! And those ones I just take as a confused compliment. Plus that is just sex anyway, not a relationship.
So do I ask guys on dates? Well, no not really. There have been a couple of guys I did like, and deliberately suggested things we could do socially. But this was far from asking the guys on a date. I doubt I could ever swindle that one! The result? Nada! Perhaps I was too subtle or way off track.
Whatever the case, I am sure that if there is a right person for me that I will meet them at the appropriate time, as with all things in my life. So I am not trying to hurry this along. I will be all the better for this time alone, and what that will bring into the relationship will be for the best.
Though, I admit, one thing which makes me laugh is a comment made in this thread: that Rama said, after you start meditating your relationships will be with people you were involved with in previous lives. Well, from the looks of things, I was a cloistered nun, or a recluse in a cave!!!
One more thing - seems to me that this time alone has been my chance to experience in a totally pure, uninterrupted fashion the love that exists between me and my daughter. And I wouldn't trade that for anything in the world - absolutely nothing, cause to me that is the ultimate truth (and truth = enlightenment).
:) |
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