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Message |
| Posted By: |
Don't know Jack |
| Date: |
16-Feb-2000 |
| Subject: |
Empty or depressed? |
Noah asks, 'way down in another thread:
> What is the goal of all of this path and study supposed to be?
> I think it is to be "empty", but whenever I reach what I think is
> clear or empty, I think I am simultaneously "depressed". If I have
> no chase in me and I am still, with nowhere to go, I just am. Well,
> I am concerned that that "am" is really another word for depression.
> Don't we need that something to propel us and make us go? That
> seems like the opposite of empty.
Darn. There goes my dream of slipping away back into lurkdom. :-) In my opinion, this is one of the best set of questions ever asked here, and I am feeling just weird enough today to take a shot at answering them.
But first, a big CAVEAT EMPTOR. What follows is my theory, which is mine. :-) It may have little to do with any other theory you might find in established Buddhist practice or in Rama's teaching. It's just my rap, and you should feel free to laugh at it or ignore it completely if it doesn't sit well with you. You will not be the first. Please bear in mind the name I am posting under. :-)
What's the goal of all this path and study supposed to be? Well, eventually, enlightenment. If you have followed some of the discussions here lately, you probably have been clued in to the fact that the word 'enlightenment' means different things to different people, even people who studied with the same spiritual teacher. To me it means a life lived in freedom, freedom from the restrictions of believing we are a limited self. (Bear with me here...I know this sounds like Newage fluff, but hopefully it will get clearer. Hopefully.)
The practices that have been passed down from generation to generation in spiritual traditions have as their ultimate goal this state of enlightenment. But enlightenment is a rather lofty goal, one that may or may not happen in one's lifetime. So is there any payoff before you realize the Big E? Well, in my opinion, yes. Meditation and other valid spiritual practices pay off all along the Way. They enable you to live a happier, more fulfilled life by allowing you access to higher, more refined levels of energy and attention than you would normally experience. And by increasing your personal energy, creativity and state of attention on pretty much a daily basis, they allow you to use more of that energy, creativity and attention to benefit other people. That alone –- selfless service -– has a tendency to make you happy.
Emptiness? Now that's a much more interesting question. I have a long-standing problem with that term when applied to spiritual practice. I know the term shows up in Zen and other traditions a lot, as a description for an enlightened state of mind. But the term just doesn't work for me, because it doesn't have anything to do with my personal experience. I suspect we're stuck with the term 'emptiness' in English because we don't have any equivalent word to translate what the original word was.
Emptiness implies...well...uh...emptiness. A lack of something. The term 'emptiness' has been used in the past to describe those moments in meditation when all thoughts, perceptions, and sensations stop but awareness continues. But that's why I don't like the term. That state of transcendence *is* empty, in the sense that it is *without attributes*. There are no thoughts to limit your perception of who you are. There are no sensations to give you the illusion that you have boundaries. But you're not asleep. You're awake, aware, but without being aware of anything in particular except your own awareness. You are just you -- infinite, unbounded, stretching into forever. As you put it so well, it's more of an experience of "I am" than one of "I am ____ (supply attribute here)."
So in that sense -- an experience of self without attributes -- I can get behind 'emptiness.' But there's a connotation to the English word that implies 'empty,' or somehow 'not full.' And that is *exactly the opposite* of how this experience feels to me subjectively. What I feel is a sense of *fullness*. In those moments of transcendence, I feel full and complete in a way that I never do when I am experiencing thoughts and bound by my limited perceptions. It's like coming home.
So I quibble with 'emptiness.' I think that term has led a lot of spiritual seekers through the ages into a false impression that enlightenment is empty, and that you are *losing* something by gaining it. That is not my experience. (Not that I'm enlightened, by any means, but I've experienced a few flashes of it.) My experience is more that enlightenment is having access to that sense of total fullness –- the realization that your true self is infinite, without boundaries -- even when you are experiencing limited thoughts and perceptions.
I don't find that experience depressing at all. My suspicion is that what happens over time as one meditates is that you gain more and more familiarity with these moments of still transcendence, and that sooner or later you gain the ability to experience that same stillness while other thoughts and perceptions are going on. So it isn't like there is "no chase," nothing going on to propel you to action when you're not meditating. That still happens, all day, every day. But now (in enlightenment), those thoughts and perceptions don't have the ability to overshadow who you really *are* at your core, which is pure, infinite stillness. Or emptiness, if you prefer. But it ain't empty.
This is just my "take" on your question. I'm sure others have different opinions, and hope they will toss them into the hat. Thanks for asking such good questions. |
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