Stalking

Talk about "cleaning out your closets"...Wow! I not only cleaned them, I moved them.

I am an older woman who has never lived alone.
First it was with my parents. Then with my husband. Then with my husband and child. Then two children. Then three children. Then with my father and his wife. Then with a boyfriend. (Yes, even older women have boyfriends!)
Well, you get the picture.

There came a time near the middle of December that I knew I needed to end the cycle of my life as I knew it.
I ended my employment with a company I had worked at for 25 years. (Do people still stay at one job that long?)

With great trepidation and excitement I started my search for a place for just me! I knew I needed to find a place alone. Not an apartment complex, not a condominium. A separate house. No one else in the building. Being from a small New England town, normally this would not be an easy task. People tend to stay put. We are not movers and shakers. We do not accept change nor do we change. Yet my very first day out searching for a single home (that had to be on the water) I found it! I could not believe my luck! I called the phone number listed on the house and within two days found myself talking to the owner. At first he asked an amount that was beyond my means. I thanked him for his time and consideration but explained that my budget would not stretch that far. We spoke for a few moments longer and he asked what I could afford. I knew it was far below his price, but "what the heck".

He said I should keep that figure in mind and meet him for a walk-through of the house. Did I dare? What if I loved it and it loved me back and I still couldn't afford it? (Oh Oh my fear was showing!)

I arrived early so I could "feel" the place. It was even better than I had hoped. It was right on the water and there were trees everywhere. It was so beautiful, I felt the tears coming to my eyes. As I stood there taking in the landscape, a black squirrel came running down the tree, chattering away. If it felt this good inside, I knew I would be happy and content here. Then the owner arrived. I had thanked the trees, the grass, the bushes, and even the squirrel and was ready to go inside. I was like a kid on Christmas morning. The owner probably thought I was crazy. I just kept smiling. Sure it needed some work, but then what doesn't?

I was home. My home. Alone home. The owner agreed to let me have it for the price I quoted him. I wanted to hug him, but realized that would have sent him running. (Although I wouldn't have had a problem with it, I think he would have.) Because I have never lived all alone, I found my fear sneaking out now and then. I started to question myself, my motives and my ability to do this. What if I failed? What if I was lonely? What if I hated it? Then what?
One of my very wise children explained that if I didn't like living alone or if I thought I failed in some way....then I would just have to start over again. He explained that each ending has a beginning. And he is right. This is my beginning.

I have spent the last week cleaning and scrubbing my new home. She is getting to know me and we are good together. I have dressed her up so she feels as pretty as she is. We will soon be ready for company. (Something I love, but haven't had much of due to living with a non-sociable person.) I have enrolled in a course for Visual Basic at the community technical college and am looking for a new job. I am bursting with excitement and happiness. I don't know what is in your closets, but take a good hard look. Maybe they need cleaning out too!

I know I can't stop smiling.

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