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The
Awakening
©
Sonny Carroll - 1999
(posted with kind permission from the author S.
Carroll, contributed by Virginia Marie Swift)
There comes a time
in your life when you finally get it... When in the midst of all your
fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice
inside your head cries out- ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or struggling
to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your
sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your
tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world
from a new prospective. This is your awakening.
You realize that it is time to stop hoping and waiting for something,
or someone, to change... or for happiness, safety and security to come
galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that
there aren’t always fairytale endings (or beginnings for that
matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must
begin with you. So, you begin making your way through the “reality
of today” rather than holding out for the “promise of tomorrow.”
You realize that much of who you are, and the way you navigate through
life is, in great part, a result of all the social conditioning you’ve
received over the course of a lifetime. And you begin to sift through
all the nonsense you were taught about:
- how you should look and how much you should weigh
- what you should wear and where you should shop
- where you should live or what type of car your should drive
- who you should sleep with and how you should behave
- who you should marry and why you should stay
Slowly you begin
to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin
reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really believe in.
And you begin to discard the doctrines you have outgrown, or should
never have practiced to begin with.
You accept the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will
love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are... and that’s
OK... they are entitled to their own views and opinions.
And, you come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5
or a “perfect 10”.... Or a perfect human being for that
matter... and you stop trying to compete with the perfect image inside
your head or agonizing over how you “stack up.” And, you
make peace with the woman in the mirror and you learn to give her the
same unconditional love and support you give so freely to others.
And, you stop maneuvering through life merely as a “consumer”
hungry for your next fix ....a new dress, another pair of shoes... or
looks of approval and admiration from family, friends or even strangers
who pass by. And you discover that ... “it is truly in giving
that we receive ”... and that the joy and abundance you seek grows
out of the giving. And you recognize the importance of “creating”
& “contributing” rather than “obtaining”
& “accumulating.”
And you begin to love and to honor yourself. And you stop engaging in
self-destructive behavior including participating in dysfunctional relationships.
And you begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and taking
more time to rest and exercise.
Then you learn about love and relationships...how to love, how much
to give in love, when to stop giving ...and when to walk away. And you
allow only the hands of a lover who truly loves and respects you to
glorify you with his touch. You learn that people don’t always
say what they mean or mean what they say, intentionally or unintentionally
and that not everyone will always come through..., and interestingly
enough, it’s not always about you. So, you stop lashing out and
pointing fingers or looking to place blame for the things that were
done to you...or weren’t done for you. And you learn to acknowledge
and redirect the feelings of anger, jealousy and resentment you sometimes
feel...least they suffocate your spirit and steal your soul.
You learn how to say I was wrong and to forgive people
for their own human frailties and to build bridges instead of walls...and
you learn about the healing power of love as it is expressed through
a kind word, a warm smile or a friendly gesture... At the same time,
you eliminate ANY relationships that are hurtful or fail to uplift and
edify you. And you stop working so hard at smoothing things over and
setting your needs aside. You learn that feelings of entitlement are
perfectly OK and that it is your right to want or expect certain things.
And you learn the importance of communicating your needs. You learn
that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that
eventually martyrs are burned at the stake. Then you learn to distinguish
between guilt, and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries
and learning to Say NO. You learn that you don’t
know all the answers, it’s not your job to save the world and
that sometimes you just need to Let Go.
And, you learn to look at people as they really are and not as you would
have them be and you are careful not to project your neediness or insecurities
onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be, more beautiful,
more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on your
arm or the child that bears your name. You learn that just as people
grow and change so it is with love and relationships.... and that not
everyone can always love you the way you would want them to or live
life just to suit your needs, ease your insecurities or meet “your”
standards and expectations. And, you learn the difference between wanting
and needing and you stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes.
And, you learn that “alone” does not mean “lonely”
and you begin to discover the joy of spending time “with yourself”
and “on yourself.”
You avoid Toxic people and conversations. And you stop
wasting time and energy rehashing your situation with family and friends
because you’ve learned that talking about things doesn’t
change them. You learn that wishing for something is different from
working to make it happen. And you begin to invest your time and energy
to affect positive change. You take a personal inventory of the areas
you need to improve in order to move ahead, you set your goals and map
out a plan of action to see things through.
You learn that life isn’t always fair and you don’t always
get what you think you deserve. You stop personalizing every loss or
disappointment. You learn to accept that sometimes bad things happen
to good people and that these things are not an act of God... but merely
a random act of fate.
And you stop looking for guarantees because you’ve learned that
the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected ...and that
whatever happens, you’ll learn to handle it. And you learn that
the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all
time FEAR itself. So you learn to step right into and
through your fears because to give into fear is to give away the right
to live life on your terms. You learn that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling
prophesy and you learn to go after what you want and not to squander
your life living under a cloud of indecision or feelings of impending
doom.
Then, YOU LEARN ABOUT MONEY... the personal power and
independence it brings and the options it creates. And you recognize
the necessity to create your own personal wealth. Slowly, you begin
to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself
a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less
than your heart’s desire. And you live with honor and integrity...
because you know that these principles are not the outdated ideals of
a by-gone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon
which you must build your life. And you make it a point to keep smiling,
to keep trusting and to stay open to every wonderful opportunity and
exciting possibility. Then you hang a wind chime outside your window
to remind yourself what beauty there is in Simplicity.
Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by
your side you take a stand, you FAKE a deep breath
and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.
A word about the Power of Prayer: In some of my darkest, most painful
and frightening hours, I have prayed not for the answers to my prayers
or for material things but for my “God” to help me find
the strength,, confidence and courage to persevere; to face each day
and to do what I must do.
Remember this: “You are an expression of the
almighty. The spirit of God resides within you and moves through you.
Open your heart, speak to that spirit and it will heal and empower you.”
My
“God” has never failed me.
©
The Awakening - Author: Sonny Carroll -1999
This piece
is protected by United States copyright law and may not be altered,
reproduced, distributed, transmitted, displayed, published or broadcast
without the prior written permission of the author. You may not alter
or remove any copyright or other notice from copies of the content.
You may however make copies including acknowledgement to author for
your personal - noncommercial use. Ms. Carroll may be contacted at s.carroll7@verizon.net.
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